I am OLD

I know I am almost 20 (wow) and I am starting to really feel it. Not very long ago it seems I was just barely turning 10 and in 10 years from now I will be the big ol ' 30. WEIRD. As I look back I know I have been very blessed throughout my life, and I am so proud of the person I am, and I can't wait for what the future has next for me. Even though sometimes there are times I would like to turn around and go back to certain times in my life, I know I can't look back anymore that the road now is only one way, and that is forward. I can't wait to see what is in store for me, but my heart knows I wouldnt be so excited about the future if it wasnt for my past. I have grown, cherished and truly LIVED over the past year and it has been the hardest while being the most rewarding year I can remember. I know without a doubt I can be strong, I can be brave because the worst is behind me, and that obstacle that I was sent to tackle is myself. I have never been one that truly believes in who I am. People would tell me I was a wonderful singer, I was a great athlete and I was pretty, but ya know, I never belived them. I didnt look for the good inside of me, I only turned for the bad. I'm not sure what changed inside of me, all I know is that I did. I look at life and myself now with beauty. I look for the positive and not the negative. By doing this, I havent only learned about my self but I have learned about others and what others truly have inside of them. I have said this before and I will say it again, but Hawaii truly changed me. It changed my life and it made me want to believe in myself. I have had the best year, and because I am whom I am now, I can't wait to see what the future holds.
I am going to be doing things a little differently on this blog. I am going to try and post EVERYDAY. And when I say this, it probably won't happen but I am going to try real hard :) Even if its not a lengthy post, it will be something... like a quote, something I learned, something I was inspired by or just a random word. I am aslo going to keep track of my health goals and post my excercise plans for the day as well as what I plan to accomplish. This will be a journal (sortof). I'm not going to bear my whole soul on here but I will make it ME, and somedays I'm not going to hold anything back, but that's who I am. Since my life changed, I have found a new way to look and view life, one of them is viewing myself. I want to keep up with who I am now, and strive to be even better, a happier, healthier ME. I want to experiment with new things, live my bucket-list and continue to try and be an example to others. So here I go, I am starting my new blog... I need to figure out how to change the background and stuff to make it cute, but I have failed so the new blog might be a little down the road ;) Here are somethings I plan to accomplish before New Years.
**** Go to the NFR. I want to plan a trip for me and my mom to go. We have wanted to go for years and I want to be able to have a trip to look back on with my mom other than horse showing :)
**** Loose 70 pounds- as of right now I have lost 58 and these last 12 might kill me but a girl can dream right? I can do this, I can do this.
**** Go snowboarding. I have never once touched a snowboard cause the things make me shudder just looking at them because I can just invision myself flying down a mountain, plastered with now, goggles crooked on my face heading into a crowd of innocent bystanders. I.dont.want.to.do.that. But ya know, this might be a good thing for me to try something new and get out of my comfort zone. I remember the first time I tried Skiing. I about killed me a shed, but by the end of the day I was skiing like a PRO. Hopefully this is the case with snowboarding.
**** Learn how to dance. Ok, so I can shake it with Zumba, but other than that I am one left footed duck. I think dancers are so neat... The way they can move and twirl around the floor as well as bend in crazy ways. I want to be able to do that. Wow. That would be neat of me.
**** Run a half marathon. I ran the El Vaquero Loco this summer, but I never had the chance to run the half marathon that was here this July. I had a family reunion, and I was lame and chose note to be there for the run. I wish I would have now, becuase I heard it was an awesome experience. There are a few halfs before December so I hope to do one of them. I also hope to have a training schedule. All the other races I have ran, I have not really trained, just kinda done my own thing. I never time myself, I push my body as far as I think it needs to be pushed and a little further, and I just run. I enjoy the time I get when I am alone, running with nothing but the air and sun. I used to run with music and think that people who didnt were Crazy. I was always scared of the fact that I would hear my obnoxious breathing and want to quit. I have LOVED running without music though, I am a firm believer that I can focus better on my breathing, focus on my body, and listen to the world around me.
Well ya'll, that's it for today. Oh, almost forgot! I am so stinkin proud of my little brother Andy! He is playing Varsity football! He is only a sophomore this year, and along with 2 other sophomores they are the only ones that are playing. I am so proud! Homecoming is this friday so I will be able to watch him play for the first time on home field. So stinking proud I am. Anyways, here is a little motto I saw the other day and LOVED!

"She believed she could, and so she did."

I think it is so simple but it truly means a lot. You can believe all you want but until you do something about it, you might as well not believe at all. Be back tomorrow!!

C.H.a.N.G.e.S

  I realize it has been a couple months since the last update so time for a good HUGE post. I have had a great summer so far and I am looking forward to the Fall. I love Fall, it's my favorite time of year with the leaves, sunsets, and cool temperatures that just perfectly fit together. I am so grateful we have changing in seasons we can see everyday, we can take in God's beauty and be thankful for another changing season. 

Lots has happened this summer, and it has been one of the best summers I can remember. Starting in June, my little sister Kynzi tried out for Jr, Princess and WON! She used Royal my new 5 year old gelding, and I was so stinkin' proud of her! Fallowing right in her big sister's footsteps ;) She is the cutest, look at her matching blue outfit! She thinks she is pretty great!
I have been able to spend lots of time with my friends that I haven't seen since we graduated. It was so great to spend time and get back to how simple it used to be in high school! I have missed them so much, it was good to catch up and see how much has changed since we went our separate ways. 

Speaking of change, I want to talk a little about how much my life and myself has changed over the last year. I am really starting to find who I really am and make choicesas to who I someday want to become. I can't imagine who I used to be, and I am proud to be able to love myself for the first REAL time. I have lost over 50 pounds, and I am beginning to finally LOVE my body. I want to be able to last as long as possible, and I wasn't happy with who I was before. I wasn't happy because I was relying on other people and other superficial things to make me happy, and once I realized those things didn't matter that's when I began to mold a new and happier life. I honestly couldn't have done it if I hadn't been able to go to Hawaii.  I know without a doubt in my mind that Hawaii saved me. I could turn to no one but myself and rely on my inner strength to change and evolve. I was so blessed to have Terri, my cousin/sister there to help me through everything. And Annie my truest best friend to be a light at the end of the tunnel when I needed it. It wasn't easy sometimes but I know my father in Heaven was holding to my hand tightly more often then not. I am a happy, confident person looking for a future I know now I can conquer. I began my real journey in February 2011 and I have not looked back since. I began running little bits at a time, not everyday, but I soon became hooked. I LOVE running. I used to hate it, but now it's a craving I can't get past. I ran my first race ever which was the Swift creek 5K and won my age group!! I was so happy and proud. On August 13th, I ran the El Vaquero Loco which translates to "Crazy Cowboy" and let me tell ya, it was just that. There were times along the trail that I wanted to break down. Let me say, this wasn't easy in any way shape or form, but it is one of my greatest achievements. I got a little teary eyed a few times when I would look up and there would be nothing but uphill wilderness that I believed I couldn't conquer. This race began at the bottom of Swift creek and went to Corral Creek Lakes and turned around and came back. The first 8 miles were complete uphill. There was maybe 2 flat spots the whole way, and when I say up hill I mean UPHILL. It was pretty ridiculous a few times, but I kept pushing. My dad has done an aid station for the race for 5 years now and he was the first one I came to and man I have never been so dang happy to see him, my mom, Andy and Kynzi. They made it a family trip and hauled everything up on the horses the day before. When I came to them, I wasn't doing to hot. At this time I was 5 1/2 miles in and still had the roughest part ahead of me, but with some reassurance and energy gels I was on my way. I chugged a long and made it to the turn around and the last aid station, and man was I so ready to be done. Heading back I took as many pictures and kept on keeping on running all the way down! When I reached the finish line my Grandpa and Grandma Erickson were waiting with Chocolate milk and Lemme say, it was the best dang thing I have ever had.:) It was a wonderful experience and I am so proud of myself for finishing. My goals before the race were:  Finish, don't be last, and don't crawl across the finish line and that I did. 

It's been awhile..

Life has been a little crazy since I have bee home but honestly, I am loving every minute of it. I am working at the hospital in the clinic and I LOVE it. I have met so many great people, and it is pushing me a little further into becoming a nurse! At the same time, there are a lot of uknowns that I am trying to figure out with my life. I'm excited to keep opening new chapters. I can't wait to see whats around the corner. Well, since I missed T.N.T I will just do it tonight :)

"Keep your heart open. Keep it true and steady to new and past ideas. The love of hope and faith never ends. Love never ends; it is a continuous light leading through the darkness of thoughts and feeling. You will never loose sight of love as long as you keep your heart focusing on what's real, and never closing doors that should have stayed open. In the end, your heart will be true to you, no matter what the concequence..."-Author Uknown

Lately.

This past year has been one of the greatest of my life. At the same time, its been one of the hardest and most trying times as well. I don't know where my life is going, I have an idea but all at the same time, it seems like there are so many things that I don't have control over and that scares me. I want to be the best person I can be, for myself and for my future and whatever that may hold. There are so many paths that are going in all different directions, there are paths that lead back to the past, and the past is somewhere I would love to go but at the same time I want to close all the doors and lock all the windows. People say we learn from our past, but do we really? It seems like it is always there, its always there to remind us where we have been and what we can accomplish from everything we have done. The windows serve as a way to see the future as well and shine light on what we can become. I miss the past, but at the same time, its still here in everything I do, every word I say and every friendship I come in contact with. I know my life Is shaped from what I have been through and what I will soon learn. I can't wait for the next chapter in my life, I can't wait to continue my journey on the many pathways. I can't wait to see what is in store for me now <3

T.N.T-HEY YOU...

There are a few things to catch up on. I am HOME! It's a weird feeling though to be back in the valley and trying to maintain as much normalcy as possible. I miss Hawaii and my friends but I am excited to start the new part of my life. I will be in the valley until January, and then go to BYU-Idaho until July and will continue pursuing my dream to be a nurse. I have really been struggling with peoples perceptions and I found this quote from quote.com and it was EXACTLY what I needed. Maybe it will make you feel better too if you have been struggling. We are all perfect, we are all beautiful daughters of God no matter what we feel like or look like. I am thankful I have been blessed with this knowledge.

HEY YOU-"yes, you. stop being unhappy with yourself, you are perfect. stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else. stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks ... love them. without those things you wouldn't be you. and why would you want to be anyone else? be confident with who you are. smile. it'll draw people in. if anyone hates on you because you are happy with yourself then turn your back and say screw it. my happiness will not depend on others anymore. i'm happy because i love who i am. i love my flaws. i love my imperfections. they make me me. and 'me' is pretty amazing."

Day/Weekly Goal:

Take life one day at a time, one hour my the minute, and every second for your dreams.

Bucketlist:

Marry in the temple to my best friend and raise a beautiful family.

T.N.T

"No one can go back and make a new beginning. . . but you can start today and make your new ending."

I thought this was very fitting for today and this week as well as the journey I have made in the past 7 months. I go home in about 2 days now. I am excited/anxious/nervous/every other emotion in the book. But, I can look forward to beginning again and the many new excitements of being a new person in a "new" place. I can't wait for my new journey to begin, but it will be bittersweet to close this chapter of my life.

Daily/Weekly Goal:
Live in the moment, you only have it for a second.

Bucketlist:
Write a novel and a cookbook :) have to be a good cook first, better start working on that!

 

General Conference Weekend

I have really been reflecting on the last 7 months of my life lately, and I have come to one conclusion:  there is no way that I would have been able to survive without the hand of the Lord. Since being away from home and being at BYUH I have learned to be more aware of myself, and let go of insecurities. I have struggled at times, but I know when I have given a silent or verbal prayer it always gets answered some way or another. One of those answers came this weekend with General Conference. It was such an amazing conference and I felt the spirit so strong. I finally came to the realization with my whole understanding that the church is true, and God is there to answer our prayers even through others. I have been blessed with great friends and a best friend who I truly believe I met in the pre-existance, Annie. I am grateful she was given to me when my prayers needed answers and when I had ceased to believe in myself.  I am filled with mixed emotions about going home and with finals but I know with my whole being the Lord will pick me up and carry me to the finish line if I meet him half way. I'm grateful as well I have been able to have a temple within 10 minutes walking and so glad that one day I can go through and recieve covenants and new understandings about the church. I am so grateful and my heart is very full today, I know my father loves me. I know he understands my every thought and action, he knows every hair on my head and without him I would be nothing. So, today was a wonderful Sunday, and next week at this time I will be home with my family. I don't think life could get any better <3