Lately.

This past year has been one of the greatest of my life. At the same time, its been one of the hardest and most trying times as well. I don't know where my life is going, I have an idea but all at the same time, it seems like there are so many things that I don't have control over and that scares me. I want to be the best person I can be, for myself and for my future and whatever that may hold. There are so many paths that are going in all different directions, there are paths that lead back to the past, and the past is somewhere I would love to go but at the same time I want to close all the doors and lock all the windows. People say we learn from our past, but do we really? It seems like it is always there, its always there to remind us where we have been and what we can accomplish from everything we have done. The windows serve as a way to see the future as well and shine light on what we can become. I miss the past, but at the same time, its still here in everything I do, every word I say and every friendship I come in contact with. I know my life Is shaped from what I have been through and what I will soon learn. I can't wait for the next chapter in my life, I can't wait to continue my journey on the many pathways. I can't wait to see what is in store for me now <3

T.N.T-HEY YOU...

There are a few things to catch up on. I am HOME! It's a weird feeling though to be back in the valley and trying to maintain as much normalcy as possible. I miss Hawaii and my friends but I am excited to start the new part of my life. I will be in the valley until January, and then go to BYU-Idaho until July and will continue pursuing my dream to be a nurse. I have really been struggling with peoples perceptions and I found this quote from quote.com and it was EXACTLY what I needed. Maybe it will make you feel better too if you have been struggling. We are all perfect, we are all beautiful daughters of God no matter what we feel like or look like. I am thankful I have been blessed with this knowledge.

HEY YOU-"yes, you. stop being unhappy with yourself, you are perfect. stop wishing you looked like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else or wishing people liked you as much as they like someone else. stop trying to get attention from those who hurt you. stop hating your body, your face, your personality, your quirks ... love them. without those things you wouldn't be you. and why would you want to be anyone else? be confident with who you are. smile. it'll draw people in. if anyone hates on you because you are happy with yourself then turn your back and say screw it. my happiness will not depend on others anymore. i'm happy because i love who i am. i love my flaws. i love my imperfections. they make me me. and 'me' is pretty amazing."

Day/Weekly Goal:

Take life one day at a time, one hour my the minute, and every second for your dreams.

Bucketlist:

Marry in the temple to my best friend and raise a beautiful family.

T.N.T

"No one can go back and make a new beginning. . . but you can start today and make your new ending."

I thought this was very fitting for today and this week as well as the journey I have made in the past 7 months. I go home in about 2 days now. I am excited/anxious/nervous/every other emotion in the book. But, I can look forward to beginning again and the many new excitements of being a new person in a "new" place. I can't wait for my new journey to begin, but it will be bittersweet to close this chapter of my life.

Daily/Weekly Goal:
Live in the moment, you only have it for a second.

Bucketlist:
Write a novel and a cookbook :) have to be a good cook first, better start working on that!

 

General Conference Weekend

I have really been reflecting on the last 7 months of my life lately, and I have come to one conclusion:  there is no way that I would have been able to survive without the hand of the Lord. Since being away from home and being at BYUH I have learned to be more aware of myself, and let go of insecurities. I have struggled at times, but I know when I have given a silent or verbal prayer it always gets answered some way or another. One of those answers came this weekend with General Conference. It was such an amazing conference and I felt the spirit so strong. I finally came to the realization with my whole understanding that the church is true, and God is there to answer our prayers even through others. I have been blessed with great friends and a best friend who I truly believe I met in the pre-existance, Annie. I am grateful she was given to me when my prayers needed answers and when I had ceased to believe in myself.  I am filled with mixed emotions about going home and with finals but I know with my whole being the Lord will pick me up and carry me to the finish line if I meet him half way. I'm grateful as well I have been able to have a temple within 10 minutes walking and so glad that one day I can go through and recieve covenants and new understandings about the church. I am so grateful and my heart is very full today, I know my father loves me. I know he understands my every thought and action, he knows every hair on my head and without him I would be nothing. So, today was a wonderful Sunday, and next week at this time I will be home with my family. I don't think life could get any better <3

T.N.T

Yes, I realize it is wednesday and not tuesday, but I'm going to pretend it is tuesday because I am so stressed I am walking and talking in my sleep and scaring my roommate. 9 more days, 9 more days until I am done with the semester, and I thought my senior year was bad. Anyways, quote time!

"Love anything and your heart will be rung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intach you must give it to no one, not even for a moment. Wrap it carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries, avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the coffin or casket of your selfishness. But, in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.

-C.S. Lewis

Bucketlist: 

Go Skydiving, actually go. Don't ride in the car get there, chicken out and leave. Get in the little, rickety plane and jump out into free falling air. 

Last Church Attending Sunday. . .

Today is my last Sunday being in church on the island. It makes my head spin really fast because I know that in 12 short days I will be going home, packing all my belongings into one suitcase and leaving, just like I came. It's a scary thought, because to me it feels like I am starting all over once again. I didn't know that when I boarded the plane to come here in September, I would be so scared to leave and come HOME. It's crazy really. I feel when I go home I am going to have to make a place for myself again, because here is Laie is what I called home, it was the only place I had to feel safe, there was nothing else. Now I am going back to the valley of stars and I can't help but feel hopeless, scared, and anxious. I don't know what is to come in my life for awhile. I'm scared because I know everything has changed so much since I have been there, and here I am jumping head-first into my life again. It's going to be weird, and crazy and beautiful all at the same time. I know the Lord will protect me and bless me when I put my faith in his hands and reach for his light. I would'nt be the person I am today without him holding me and making me a stronger person 3,000 miles away from my family and friends. But you know what? I wouldn't change this crazy journey for anything, and now no matter how scared I am I'm ready to face a new journey and new pathways, and all I have to do is take the first step...

Tuesday Night-Quote and dreams night

I have decided I am going to make Tuesday nights a little different. Even if I am not able to blog as much , I will try and do something every tuesday along with a quote I ran onto and a bucketlist goal as well as a goal for the day/week. I want to inspire people, and I wish these quotes will help you in your life as they do mine. I am really excited about this and hope I can do everything I have on my list. So for the first time. . . Tuesday Night Thoughts (T.N.T) haha. I think it's catchy and I like it :)

"Those who can be truly accounted brave are those who best know the meaning of what is sweet in life and what is terrible, and then go out, unmoved, facing what is to come." - Pericles

Daily/Weekly Goal: 
Find something inspiring, and count your many many blessings for the simple, beautiful, complicated, sweet things in your life.
Bucket-List:
Go to a foreign country, and with my nursing degree, help sick children and their families.